shut up about the title already, I can’t help it, it’s like I have bad-pun-tourette’s.

mostly this post is just to de-thrown the dog-sh*t post from the top of my site, but aren’t these photos delightful? yes, yes they are.

“art school made me do this” by Rutger de Vries (found on pan-dan)

2 ghost houses by Sam Javanrouh (found on aesthetic outburst)

(just so you know, I also considered the title “Buildbling”)

Apparently, France is trying to send the semicolon the way of the dodo. This Guardian article offers both sides of the ancient punctuation debate. Read the whole article; it’s totally worth it.

Jeanette Winterson: PRO-semicolon

“I like them - they are a three-quarter beat to the half and full beats of commas and full stops. Prose has its own musicality, and the more notation the better. I like dashes, double-dashes, comashes and double comashes just as much. The colon is an umlaut waiting to jump; the colon dash is teasingly precipitous.”

Richard Hugo: ANTI-semicolon

“If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons.”

Gertrude Stein: Could care less

“I use it. I’ve no feelings about it - it’s just there. People actually get worked up about that kind of shite, do they? I don’t fucking believe it. They should get a fucking life or a proper job. They’ve got too much time on their hands, to think about nonsense.”

*cough*

My question for France: Ok, so you don’t like it in sentences… whatever. But how do you expect The Internet to express itself properly with out ; ) ?

Because you can never have enough absurd top-10 lists…

Top 10 Instruments for a Candy-Band (you know, just in case)

1. Juicy Flute
2. 100 Grand Piano
3. Drum Kit-Kat
4. elecTwix guitar
5. Gummy Bearitone sax
6. Lollipopsichord
7. TheremeM-and-M’s
8. UkuleLicorice
9. Jolly Ranchimes
10. DidgeriDulce de leche

runners up:

• Altoid saxophone
• Balalaikaramel
• Bit O-Highhats
• Bongum
• bouzouki gum
• Caramelloboe
• chewinggumpet
• Chick-o-drumsticks
• Choc-enspiel
• Chunkeyboard
• Claranesco wafers
• Clarinestle’s
• Clavicembel o’ Honey
• Congalicious
• CotTom-Tom candy
• Double Basskittles
• Doublemint bass
• Drum Kit-Kat
• dulci-deleche-mer
• guitaffy
• Guitarburst Fruit Chews
• Hamdolin
• Harmonicadbury Creme Eggs
• Hershey Kissymbols
• Hubba bubbasoon
• Jolly Ranchitarra
• M&MK3Ds
• Mallomarimba
• Marshmellophone
• MIDots
• Mike & Pipes
• Moog League Chew
• moundolin
• Muffimba
• Pay Daiko
• Pezmer
• Pianerds
• Pian-nut M&Ms
• PianOH Henry
• pixiestixophone
• Pockyboard
• Reese Peanut Butter Gongs
• Rhodonuts
• Smartiempani
• Synthesnickers
• Tangbourine
• Telecastarburst Guitar
• TwizzLyres
• Twizzylerphone
• Violindy’s Chocolate Truffles
• Voimints
• Whatyamadrumset
• Whoppercussion
• xyloSCONES

* list compiled with the creative-geniusness of the same group of interwebs-friends that helped created the ‘c is clambulance driver‘ animal-professions list. many thanks to all.

in a delirious exhausted haze after work at my volunteer gig, I mistakenly copied 200 flyers referencing an “iPod nana”. pretty much the greatest accident of all time, after my brother*. I imagine that an iPod nana would give you cookies or remind you to floss.

*I’m just kidding, jamie…

More submissions to the “c is for clambulance driver” professionanimals abecedarium!

thank you to Mace for her Crabbi:

and to Katy for her wrestle-ready Lucheduck-e:

Thank you to edwina for the lone cowboyster…

…and to j for her lovely handdrawn Lumberjackass:

and I did a barristercuda, for old times sakes:

3 more submissions… of a more ‘mature’ nature…

marlene’s lusty salamanwhore:

an amphibious brothel of prostiturtles, by ben and helen*:

*several of you have expressed your concerns regarding photoshop-skills or lack there of…but! worry not! helen’s oh-so-classy prostiturtle was given to me as a pencil drawing on paper (turtle_original.jpg), I photoshopped it to match the rest… my point is, ALL sorts of artwork are more than welcome, you do not need fancy-pants-digital-graphics-know-how.

many thanks to josh and evan for the ever-so-infinitely-lovely pachydermatologist, stork broker and dental hyenist….

keep sending them in folks…

Please draw/photoshop/sculpt/decoupage any of the 200-some leftover hybrid Animal-Jobs from the “C is for Clambulance Driver” post. Together we will create an entire eco-occupation-system.

Please link your artwork in this thread, or email it to me.

* Keep the width no bigger than 575 pixels.

Update:

The following professianimals are already claimed:

Salamanwhore (done!)
Mafia Donkey (done!)
Barristercuda (done!)
Kindersharken teacher
Luchaduke
Fortuna Teller (done!)
Prostiturtle (done! twice!)
astrologerbil
Pornstar-fish
Dental hyenist (done!)
Sturgeon General
Lynxguistics analizard
Rodentist
Storkbroker (done!)
Pachydermatologist (done!)
Anemoneurologist
lumberjackass (done!)
squideogame designer
velociraptour guide
zeburgler
sharkitecht
grasshopperator
fireflibrarian

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I’m not sure I will be able to offer a suitable explanation for the following. It just is. accept it. move on.

I may or may not continue to finish the entire alphabet.

The Full List of Animals/Professions*:

*This list was compiled with the help of 15 or so friends who devoted the majority of their workday in support of this noble (nobull?) endeavor.

UPDATE! Join the movement, draw your own.

a minimalist environmental animation using only typographic characters. You don’t need sound to watch, in fact the soundtrack is misery-inducing, in fact in fact, you should listen to focus - hocus pocus instead.

yo alizco cooper
tu alices cooper
el/ella alice cooper
nosotros alicimos cooper
vosotros alicis cooper
ellos alicen cooper

ich steppe wolf
du steppst wolf
er steppt wolf
sie steppt wolf
wir steppen wolf
ihr steppt wolf
sie steppen wolf

yo eaglo
tu eagles
el/ella eagle
nosotros eaglemos
vosotros eagleis
ellos eaglen.

yo chicago
tu chicagas
el/ella chicaga
nosotros chicagamos
vosotros chicagais
ellos/ellas chicagan

yo ELO
yu ELAS
el/ella ELA
nosotros ELAMOS
vosotros ELAIS
ellos ELAN

the end.

* credit to mr phipps for the idea.

I just accidentally double-clicked on the word “when” on the Nytimes.com website, and then a window popped up with the definition:

when (hwĕn, wĕn)
adv.

At what time: When will we leave?

conj.

1. At the time that: in the spring, when the snow melts.
2. As soon as: I’ll call you when I get there.
3. Whenever: When the wind blows, all the doors rattle.
4. During the time at which; while: when I was young, I was sick all the time.
5. Whereas; although: She stopped short when she ought to have continued.
6. Considering that; if: How can he get good grades when he won’t study?

pron. What or which time: Since when has this been going on?

n. The time or date: Have they decided the where and when?

[Middle English, from Old English hwenne.]

USAGE NOTE: In informal style when is often used after forms of be in definitions: A dilemma is when you don’t know which way to turn. Although useful, this construction is widely regarded as incorrect or unsuitable for formal discourse. In formal style such definitions should be recast to eliminate is when, either by supplying generic term that may be modified by a restrictive adjective clause (A dilemma is a situation in which you don’t know which way to turn) or by making the when-clause adverbial (You are in a dilemma when you don’t know which way to turn).

and then, just cuz, I double-clicked on “why”:

why (hwī, wī)
adv.

For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motive: Why is the door shut? Why do birds sing?

conj.

1. The reason, cause, or purpose for which: I know why you left.
2. Usage Problem. On account of which; for which: The reason why [regular verbs] are called regular is that we can predict what all the other three forms are (Randolph Quirk).

n., pl. whys.

1. The cause or intention underlying a given action or situation: studying the whys of antisocial behavior.
2. A difficult problem or question.

interj. Used to express mild surprise, indignation, or impatience.

[Middle English, from Old English hw[ymacr].]

USAGE NOTE: Many critics have held that why is redundant in the expression the reason why, as in The reason why he accepted the nomination is not clear. While it is true that why could be eliminated from such examples with no loss to the sense, the construction has been used by reputable English writers since the Renaissance. See Usage Notes at where.

I could do this for hours. but I won’t.

1. Like Water for Chocolate (Edible)
2. Back to the Future (Oedipal)
3. Delicatessen (Edible)
4. Hamlet (Oedipal)
5. The Cook, the Thief, his Wife and her Lover (Edible, possibly also a little bit oedipal)

I apologize for the image above. it is tasteless. well, maybe tasteless is the wrong word. it’s definitely boorish… and philistine.