Not that this will really surprise you at all, but I have recently created a comprehensive google-alert-feed for the phrase “dogs playing poker”*. This means that anytime anyone ever writes anything at all on the Entire World Wide Web (EWWW) using this phrase, google will send me an email about it; thus placing me on the cutting-edge of the “dogs playing poker” field.

Because I know you care as much as I do, here are some highlights from the past week or so on Dogs Playing Poker (a few of about 30 articles):

February 3rd:

Game Design Essay #1 by “van der beek” (who doesn’t appear to be the actor of dawson’s creek fame, much to my infinite sadness): an attempt to scientifically answer the age-old question “do animals play games?”

February 5th:

Moncton, New Brunswick Classifieds: a local ad in search of a “picture of Dogs Playing Poker in Excellent Condition, Can be framed or unframed”, though it is unclear whether or not this fine-art aficionado would like the painting or a photo of actual dogs playing actual poker. IT IS A MYSTERY!

February 6th:

Dog & Crony Show listing (Pacifica Tribune, Pacifica, CA): Apparently there is an actual band called “Dogs Playing Poker”, and everyone in the SF bay area who also reads my blog, is now officially REQUIRED to go to “Grant & Green” on 2/20 at 8:30pm to let me know if the band lives up to their namesake.

Some kind of enigmatic, possibly-post-modern collection of links to nowhere: blogger Avlsbiogs appreciates linking to the finer things, including “she kick my dog”, “appendicitis symptoms”, “tax incentive solar energy”, “sexing duck” and “top gun fan sites”. (note: I do not recommend actually clicking on any of the links on this page…. unless you want a world of unwanted popups.)

February 7th:

Original Painting Up for Auction in NYC (New York Post) Apparently, the original dogs-playing-poker painting (called “only a pair of deuces” by CM Coolidge will be auctioned off for around $60,000-$80,000. Which is SUCH a bargain.

Today!

Jesus and Dogs-playing-poker: Indianan christian pastor and blogger “gregfish”magically finds a way to incorporate dogs-playing-poker and velvet elvis’ into an online sermon.

**I also have google news alerts for anthropomorphism, my name, pineapple-upside-down cake, and cryptozoology of course.

Welcome to the very first Official NSTGD HGG*! In case you run out of gift-ideas for your loved ones, may I humbly recommend the following:

the vladmaster: thank you to my dear friend miss maggie, winner of the annual Miss Maggie Pageant, for sharing her vladmaster with me.

“Vladmasters are handmade View-Master™ reels designed, photographed, and hand-assembled by Vladimir. They make use of toys, neglected household objects, and odd ephemera to tell 28-picture tales of train chases, missing steam shovels, disastrous dinner parties, and overly adventurous cockroaches”.

For under $25, you receive a viewmaster, a mini-cd soundtrack and bizarre-and-beautifully-photographed 3-d stories. I seriously can not recommend this more.

letterpress BEAR ATTACK xmas cards: because not everyone gets a real present and because everyone likes bears.

stainless steel wrenchware: it’s both practical AND practical, in ONE.

buy art!: encourage your friends to take down their college movie-posters and put up some non-vangogh art. for affordable prints by not-yet-so-famous artists/illustrators, I recommend thumbtackpress, etsy, redprairiepress, tinyshowcase, poppytalkhandmade or keepcalm. some favorites:

chris silas neal: (i have this one on my wall, I call it “oh thank heavens I remembered to wear my scarf”)

alyson fox. i love the cape so so so much:

ashley goldberg: bring on the whimsy!

rachel bone, the harbingers, or little-treeladies-talking-on-the-telephone = happiness:

DONATE SOMEWHERE RAD: I know, I know… some folks get all-sorts-of-disappointed when they get one of those “a donation was made in your name” cards instead of the 52-inch dual-core flat-screen low-fat iFrappucino-maker that they wanted… but really, if they are the sort of people who would feel that way, they didn’t deserve a present in the first place. I tend to lean towards donating to local, community-based organizations, instead of the giant-ones, and since I am on the board of a local nonprofit, I am going to pimp them out to you right here and now: the center for anti-violence education (CAE). I was on the staff for 2 years and have been on the board for over 3, and no words can adequately describe the depth of positive change this organization has instilled in the thousands of participating violence survivors, teens, and children both as individuals and as a community. even $15 means something. that’s like one takeout lunch in soho, if you tip well. anyway, donate here. < / earnesty >.

a ship in a bottle: it’s possible that only I would want this. search for them on ebay, you will not be disappointed.

MORE to come later this week….

* YCNHTMA!**

** you can never have too many acronyms.

Now is my first moment of clarity. my life wasted, in slow anticipation of this moment, I have found my calling:
here.

*weeps*

* this is jesus’ mom’s full name, obviously.

…well, not really, but either way check out Jakub Berdych’s interior redesign of St. Bartholomew’s Church in the Czech Republic. amazing.

via swissmiss

… and I bet he would be far better equipped for egg subversion. Buy (or laugh uncontrollably at) the ninja bunny hat from bunnywarez.

happy zombie-jesus day!

A friend of mine recently told me about Kinder Surprise! - a German chocolate egg with a plastic toy inside, anything from a smurf playing soccer to a condor imprisoned in medieval stocks. During the christmas season, some exceptionally lucky European children can find a small baby jesus toy*.

ZOMG chocolate transubstantiation!

Much to my infinite dismay, despite the objective fact that this is the Greatest Candy Ever Made ™, the US FDA has banned Kinder Surprise claiming the very-large-plastic-toy beneath the chocolate is a choking hazard. This is tyranny. By this (il)logic, shouldn’t we also ban chicken-legs and popsicles and avocados? Will they not be satisfied until there are massive avocado-burnings outside of grocery stores? Should schools be forced to serve only mashed or blended food??

Thank plastic baby jesus, we can purchase Kinder Surprise eggs on the Internets.

*apparently infant-messiahs-hidden-in-food is a tradition of sorts. In Spanish-speaking countries, on Epiphany day, whoever gets the piece of “Rosca de Reyes” (sweetbread) with the baby Jesus doll in it is crowned King of a day and is required to throw a party serving tamales on February 2rd. Some mardis gras king’s cakes have baby jesuses too.