Many thanks to the batsheva-dear (and her brother) for sharing with me the clever photo-tourism of michael hughes, because, really now, how have I missed this? it’s right up my alley.* Here’s an article about him on the Daily Mail (UK).
*I do not currently have an alley. Though I would glad accept any alley, street or avenue donations - but god HELP you should you try to give me a boulevard. yuck.
Thank you, Yearbook Yourself, for enlightening me that the one missing ingredient in my life-casserole is hairspray:
it’s terrifying, I know. shhhhhh. there there. we’ll get through this together.
via swissmiss.
the feeling I got when I saw this homage-to-the-giftdonkey in my inbox is akin to how I imagine I might feel if one day I arrived at work and discovered that my desk, computer and copier were actually pinatas filled with reeses pieces and world peace and what not, and that instead of a desk chair there was a bat that said “for meredith” on it, and maybe a lightening bolt like robert redford’s bat in ‘the natural’, and maybe there is also a freshly baked pineapple upside downcake there, and a bumper boats pool too.
and anyhow, THANK YOU INFINITELY, dearling rick-monkey.
I hereby and henceforward and thither and thus would like to introduce you all to the very-very-new-and-hip-and-now FangFriends.com - the project of miss Calamity J., a dear friend whose fanged-illustrations are a seamless ballet of bloody delightfulness. In return for some basic wordpress-setup/design, she has created the following NSTGD portrait:
i love it so, so much. and I encourage everyone to draw their own gift-donkey portrait.
All I’m saying is, I sincerely doubt that this enraged burro was unprovoked… (my favorite part: “Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed,” Gomez said — “no matter who they are.”)
TUXTLA GUTIERREZ, Mexico (AP) — A donkey is doing time in southern Mexico for assault and battery.
The animal was locked up at a local jail that normally holds people for public drunkenness and other disturbances after it bit and kicked two men near a ranch in Chiapas state, police said Monday.
Officer Sinar Gomez said the donkey will remain behind bars until its owner agrees to pay the men’s medical bills.
“Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed,” Gomez said — “no matter who they are.”
The owner, Mauro Gutierrez, told The Associated Press he would try to reach a friendly arrangement to pay the men’s bills, estimated at US$420 (euro270).
The victims said the donkey bit Genaro Vazquez, 63, in the chest on Sunday and then kicked 52-year-old Andres Hernandez as he tried to come to the rescue, fracturing his ankle.
“All of a sudden, the animal was on top of us like it was rabid,” Hernandez said.
Police said it took a half-dozen men to control the enraged burro.
Chiapas police have thrown animals in the slammer before, including a bull that devoured corn crops and destroyed two wooden vending stands in March.
In 2006, a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. His owners were fined US$18.
I have just now noticed that Helen Q. ReadySteadyGo!-pants, the co-founder of my embroidery club and quite possibly the smartest person with whom I have ever shared french toast, has tagged me to continue a “6 unimportant things about you” blog-meme-a-mabob. Her response is delightful (also her blog is my pretty much my favorite ever).
here’re my 6 useless me-facts:
1) I can entertain myself for hours and hours by adding my own 3rd person backing vocals to songs sung in the 1st person, on the radio.
For example:
Meatloaf: I would do anything for love…
Me in a high falsetto: he would do anything for love…
Meatloaf: but I won’t do that…
Me, again: oh no he won’t!
ad nauseum.
(’hifi’ by artist chris silas neal)
2) I will go to great lengths to remove the white umbilical-cord-looking thing (called “chalazae“, see #4 & 13 in diagram below) from eggs before I bake with them. If I remove too much of the clean egg white in the process, I will crack another egg and replace the removed amount so that I don’t destroy the recipe. I know it’s harmless and tasteless and that technically its a sign of the eggs freshness, but it is not my fault that it is also the Grossest Thing Ever.
3) I have a small collection of celebrity hand-turkeys.
4) As a child, I thought the small chicken pox scar in the center of my forehead was where my unicorn-horn used to be.
5) I sometimes participate in harmless fibbery, en masse. Here are a sampling of untruths I have helped spread:
6) Ever since 9/11, I have a cnn.com-compulsion. I was in college at the time and we did not have a television in our campus-apartment. So to get the most updated info about the attacks, I clicked the browser refresh button on cnn.com over and over. And now, out of a sort of ptsd-meets-ocd habit, I still check cnn.com randomly and often. This explains why I am often the first to hear about important breaking cnn.com-worthy headlines, for instance on today’s homepage: “don’t adjust monitor: puppy IS green“.
I am supposed to get 6 others to do the same, like an evil chain letter, but how about some of you post your 6-unimportant-things in the comments? or not, either way.
no, sadly, this is not a photo of my desk. I found it here, actually, and I love it. I love it forever.
apologies for the blog-crickets, all. I will resume regular NSTGD-bloggering post-haste.
found via rebel:art - pretty much just a collection of signs directing you to the Internet. there are more. I’m not sure I know how to explain why I find this concept so funny. maybe its the concept of physical navigation to a virtual place? or maybe I just like somewhat absurd photo-collections. either way, checkout the rest of em.
and let me gush some more for rebel:art, (if you aren’t subscribed to their rss, you are basically dead to me), check out geeky global guerilla street art, part of the “space invaders” movement:
and
In honor of NSTGD’s 1st Bloggiversary today (first post 4/4/07), I will be sharing with you a random sampling of totally true facts* about the reclusive and mysterious wolverine species.
#1. The wolverine is the state animal of Michigan.
#2. Their saliva is an exotic aphrodisiac.
#3. Wolverines are not badgers.
#4. Wolverines cannot eat peas using a knife.
#5. Wolverines can not, contrary to popular opinion, easily be portrayed by british actors.
#6. Former President Gerald Ford was the Michigan football team’s MVP in 1934.
#7. Wolverines thumbs are imposing but NOT opposable.
#8: “Wolverines” anagrams to “wore snivel”.
#8a: Also, “loner wives”.
#9. Mating season is in the summer, but the actual implantation of the embryo in the uterus is stayed until early winter, delaying the development of the fetus.
#10. The title part in “Benji” was originally intended to be played by a wolverine, but unfortunately their salary requirements were beyond the budget of the film.
#11: If a wolverine spots its shadow, that means six more weeks of hiding from wolverines.
#13: Wolverines fear the number 12.
#14. There are 3 sub-species of wolverine: the common Grey Wolverine, the Domesticated Wolverine and the endangered Diamond-clawed Wolverine.
#15: Two out of three dentists prefer not to be mauled by wolverines.
#16: The “secret” ingredient in Aunt Louise’s “wolverine stew” is cinnamon.
#17: Wolverines know how many roads a man must walk down.
#18: Wolverine mythology is exactly like Greek mythology, except Charon does not use a ferry to transport souls across the Styx. He uses a surfboard.
#19: They do not like Pina Coladas. They do not like getting caught in the rain.
#20: Wolverine ate my baby.
#21: It only took 38 wolverines and 37 typewriters to recreate all the works of Shakespeare. (Wolverine #15 used a Blackberry.)
#22: Wolverines hold their own Scrabble National Championship, usually at a Denny’s near the Human version. The letter V has been banned from regulation play, for reasons unknown.
#23: When Wolverines take quizzes in Cosmo, they almost always circle C, which usually means they’re saucy attention whores.
#24: C.M. Coolidge turned to his infamous “Dogs Playing Poker” paintings when his “Wolverines Playing Texas Hold ‘Em” idea fell through. The Wolverines kept check-raising before the flop, and also they ate his cat.
#25: Wolverines are derided by other office animals for their lack of productivity. They do, however, have all the high scores on Minesweeper.
#26: Wolverines make up 7/8th of the Idaho Supreme Court. The lone remaining member is an Elk carcass that they have been feeding on for a week.
*credit to -j. (NSTGD-Commentus-maximus/friend-extraordinare) and mace (fellow blogger/dumbo octopus fanatic) who both long ago collaborated with me to provide some of the completely factual material listed above.
…but I am in new orleans all week for a conference… if you are especially out-of-fun-things-to-do or have lost your trampoline, you can follow my work tweets while I am away.
Ben Kruisdijk & Conny Kuilboer’s “schlossstrasse”.
I know, I know.. it’s a cheap post, but you know what*, this seems about as good a place as any for ass-art every now and again.
*I’ll tell you what!
3-year-old Kaleb from Wisconsin found a woolly mammoth tooth in his neighbor’s yard.
but he hasn’t seen this yet: http://neverslapthegiftdonkey.com/disenchantment/
poor little guy.
that is all.
To the dearlings who kept checking this site while I was on vacation:
Truly I am earthen scum and undeserving of your visitorship. To make amends, feel free to hurl cream pies at my site, or, if you prefer, you could send dinosaurs to trample it:
yours,
meredith
