context!

I noticed the following today on swissmiss, and anyone else who’s ever left food in the office fridge only to discover it missing later, can appreciate the pure geniusness of the following as much as I do:

perfection.

Thank you, edwina, for sharing this. It has made my Monday much more magnificent (and muppetful, obvs).

also,

tears of joy:

Side Note: RIP, Astroland.  Yesterday was Coney Island’s Astroland amusement park’s final day before being shut down. And needless to say, this is a very sad moment in NYC history.

I saw this lovely stop-motion video over at poppytalk, called “western spaghetti”, and besides being the winner of my weekly Whimsy Award ™, it also reminded me that I have not yet in the history of NSTGD sung the praises of spaghetti western movies, specifically, my favorite, Trinity is STILL my Name!, which is the sequel to They Call Me Trinity.  So, well, it’s super funny, it’s Italian, his horse’s saddle is a lounge-chair.

… I have been crazed preparing for a roadtrip to the maritime provences of canada with my dearlingest best friend. And admidst all the hubbub I forgot about NSTGD.

I hope that perhaps this will help you forgive me:

That’s right.  It’s Baconhenge.

I hope to blog from the road…

Interwebs-user Jay Barnes‘ culinary trail-blazery deserves recognition.

His Experiment: “Replace ordinary eggs in cake recipe with Cadbury Creme Eggs and observe results.”

His Hypothesis: “THIS IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME!”

If you, like me, love Awesome, I 100% recommend checking out the entire project. you can do so by going here.

Future Culinary Chem Lab projects?

• Cheez Whiz instead of real-cheese quiche
• fishing with gummy-worms

(checkout culinary chem lab pt 1, or not, whatever, I don’t care.)

I am at once horrified and delighted…

“Frozen Smiles: not your grandfather’s ice tray”

via pan-dan.

Because you can never have enough absurd top-10 lists…

Top 10 Instruments for a Candy-Band (you know, just in case)

1. Juicy Flute
2. 100 Grand Piano
3. Drum Kit-Kat
4. elecTwix guitar
5. Gummy Bearitone sax
6. Lollipopsichord
7. TheremeM-and-M’s
8. UkuleLicorice
9. Jolly Ranchimes
10. DidgeriDulce de leche

runners up:

• Altoid saxophone
• Balalaikaramel
• Bit O-Highhats
• Bongum
• bouzouki gum
• Caramelloboe
• chewinggumpet
• Chick-o-drumsticks
• Choc-enspiel
• Chunkeyboard
• Claranesco wafers
• Clarinestle’s
• Clavicembel o’ Honey
• Congalicious
• CotTom-Tom candy
• Double Basskittles
• Doublemint bass
• Drum Kit-Kat
• dulci-deleche-mer
• guitaffy
• Guitarburst Fruit Chews
• Hamdolin
• Harmonicadbury Creme Eggs
• Hershey Kissymbols
• Hubba bubbasoon
• Jolly Ranchitarra
• M&MK3Ds
• Mallomarimba
• Marshmellophone
• MIDots
• Mike & Pipes
• Moog League Chew
• moundolin
• Muffimba
• Pay Daiko
• Pezmer
• Pianerds
• Pian-nut M&Ms
• PianOH Henry
• pixiestixophone
• Pockyboard
• Reese Peanut Butter Gongs
• Rhodonuts
• Smartiempani
• Synthesnickers
• Tangbourine
• Telecastarburst Guitar
• TwizzLyres
• Twizzylerphone
• Violindy’s Chocolate Truffles
• Voimints
• Whatyamadrumset
• Whoppercussion
• xyloSCONES

* list compiled with the creative-geniusness of the same group of interwebs-friends that helped created the ‘c is clambulance driver‘ animal-professions list. many thanks to all.

my dear friend sarah introduced me to mock apple pie long ago, and today, when I realized that I had 3 ready-pie shells, no fresh ingredients and lots of time, I decided to make one.

the recipe was written by the ritz crackers people during WW2, when apples were in short supply, and incredibly expensive. basically, the specific combination of sugar (sucrose! oooo science), water and cream-of-tartar (potassium bitartrate, KC₄H₅O₆!! a weak salt-like acid byproduct of grapes during the wine-making process) when boiled with crackers and cinnamon, and put in a pie shell, tastes deceptively like apple pie.

but really though, the most delightful thing about it, besides that it tastes great and is absurdly cheap/easy to make, is the moment when you tell your friends (after they have said how much they are enjoying your freshly made apple pie), that it has no apples in it. priceless.

Mock Apple Pie

ingredients:

• pie crust
• 2 cups water
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp cream of tartar
• 25 unsalted soft/buttery crackers
• Cinnamon
• 1 tbsp butter
• 1 tsp lemon juice (optional - I didn’t use any)

1. Pre-heat oven to 400° F.
2. Boil the water in a big pot.
3. While the water is heating, mix the sugar and the cream of tartar together.*

4. if you are still waiting for the water to boil, check to make sure the stovetop is actually on, if its not, the pilot light may have gone out and your kitchen might be full of gas. not that this happened to me just now. certainly I would notice something like that immediately.
5. Add the mixture to the water after it is boiling, a little at a time, stirring constantly.

6. Add one cracker at a time into the pot.
7. Boil for about 3 minutes, but do not stir, instead of stirring, consider doing the hand jive or that “here is the church, here is the steeple blablabla people” thing to otherwise occupy your stir-happy hands.

8. Carefully pour the mixture into the pie crust.
9. Sprinkle a little cinnamon on top of the pie filling.

10. Dab butter evenly over the filling.
11. Bake in a pre-heated oven for about 15 minutes.
12. Let it cool before you eat it, unless you enjoy burning the roof of your mouth.**

13. Slice it, put it on a plate, consider ice cream carefully…. mmm. ice cream…

14. Serve the pie to at least one person who has no clue that it has no apples, just to see their reaction when you tell ‘em. Here is my dearlingest friend brendan’s “what do you mean it doesn’t have any apples in it” face:

the end.

*yes, I am aware that this particular stage (and many of the others) in the process do not actually need a photo. shutyourtrap.

**if the top of your mouth is the ‘roof’, does that make the bottom “the floor” of your mouth or “the foundation”? is your tounge the carpet/area-rug? nevermind. ignore me.

dearest dears of the interweb,

I apologize muchly that I have been absent for so long, but clearly, as is evident below, I had very Important Things to do in sunny Virginia over the holidays:

blame suburbia.

as foretold, here are even more eminently purchasable present options:

Beasts on Plates: several months ago, I purchased a shiny-red glass plate with a grizzly bear etched into it from etsy seller “mountain gold“, and I have just discovered that they also have a MOOSE plate! so if you bought this plate we would be fraternal plate-twins. we could start the “large furry beasts of the tundra on plates” club and meet monthly. I’m just sayin’:

DIY Gifts:

A. Print-on-Demand: with the plethora* of print-on-demand, self-publishing services out there today, you can design your own loot and get it made without having to buy in bulk quantities to make it affordable. on lulu.com, you can publish your own books, calendars, posters etc. I’m partial to the photobook “modern theme” option (this year, I printed a 25-page hardback photo-album, of equal quality to anything you might find on the B&N discount book display near the registers, for me mum). OR! on cafepress.com, there are ever-so-very-many ridiculous products onto which you can slap your image/design (think dog-shirts, truckers hats, onesies, throw pillows, as well as tshirts/bags/etc). I gave my darlingest friend edwina, buttons with her manfriend’s face on them:

also, look! a donkey thong!

B. Terrariums! I have recently become enamored of these little jars of botanical-whimsy. Just find a fish bowl or a vintage jar (here or here or here), and get some succulent plant life (here), and maybe go nuts and put little plastic dinosaurs in it, or a donkey (as seen below)…

Eggpants: I know I know, I’ve talked about these before, but seriously, just look at them, everyone should own these. everyone ever.

==UPDATE==
Conjoined Triplets Finger Puppet & Huggable Prescriptions: I sometimes forget just how talented-meets-bizarre many of my friends are… these plush-tastic toys are by claire-darling and can be found in her etsy-shop.

*“would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?” …you know what, forget everything I’ve said, just buy everyone you know a copy of the three amigos on dvd.

it seems, unlucky chocolate bunnies face a similarly messy persecution as like their marshmallow brethren. but seriously though, this is actually kind of beautiful (make sure you turn on your sound too):

watch the video here (click on “chocolate haas”)

Project: Chocolate Haas
In collaboration with: Lernert Engelberts
Commissioned by Cut-n-Paste for Grote Kunst voor Kleine Mensen (Big Art for Small People)

via boredom is your fault

“Liberté, égalité, butteré” - mr phipps

In a victory for crustacean-sentience-activists everywhere, several dozen death row lobsters liberated themselves from their fishtank shackles, broke out of the supermarket and started heading down the street, narrowly escaping a boiled and buttery future. Oh my starsfish, genius. If only someone had thought to video the lobster exodus.

from speigel online:

Lobsters in Germany took fate into their own claws and broke out of an Asian supermarket. They now face a brighter future in an animal home.

Not all lobsters are so lucky.

Dozens of lobsters destined to be boiled alive made a successful getaway from an Asian supermarket in the German city of Stuttgart in the early hours of Sunday morning, police said.

The clawed crustaceans, some of them up to 15 centimeters long, managed to crawl out of their crates, which had been poorly secured with wire mesh, then scurried across the floor of the supermarket and squeezed through the metal shutters covering the front of the store. The front door had been left open by mistake.

“The breakout was successful,” Katrin Brandeis, spokeswoman for the Stuttgart police, told SPIEGEL ONLINE. “Passers by alerted the police at 1:45 a.m. reporting a large number of the animals heading down the street.”

The escape may have saved their lives. “These animals weren’t ever going to be pets,” Brandeis said. “Now they’ve been taken to an animal home. The supermarket hasn’t got in touch with us.”

thank you to the lovely rachelle for fowarding the article.

death by cotton candy

death by oreo

death by gummi bears

death by bananas

death by cake

thought I’d share some gore, be it ever so dainty, in anticipation of halloween. also, let this be a reminder to us all to floss regularly.

all part of daniela edburg’s “drop dead gorgeous”, read an interview here.

via rebel:art

today, over lunch, I have realized that there *must* be an entire sub-species of NYC rat that subsists entirely on unwanted, complimentary coleslaw. get rid of the coleslaw, get rid of the rats. I would bet my life on this. which is to say, a nickel. a very shiny nickel.

this is all I have to say.