3-year-old Kaleb from Wisconsin found a woolly mammoth tooth in his neighbor’s yard.

but he hasn’t seen this yet: http://neverslapthegiftdonkey.com/disenchantment/

poor little guy.

that is all.

much to my chagrin, it has come to my attention that baby mammoths are not nearly as cute and I had previously assumed:

baby mammoth? pfft. more like baby ewwwmoth.

*weeps*

After our failed attempts to buy the mammoth skeleton, and my life-size wax model… we CAN’T pass up this opportunity to purchase a used Coney Island’s Pirate Ship ride.

Built in 1983, it is practically NEW. Notice that the condition is listed as “excellent excellent excellent”. I mean, wow. Apparently, it also comes with a captain and crew:

We have all summer to raise the $120,000 they are asking. It does not, however, mention whether or not she is sea-worthy.

…to purchase a life-size wax-model of myself, or maybe a wax model of a woolly mammoth, since we didn’t raise enough money to purchase the skeleton a while back…

Apparently, this service is available for only £150000.00 through iwantoneofthose.com. A small price to pay, I’m sure, for immortality. *

A team of 20 experts, from Madame Tussaud’s, will be “lavishing you and your sculpture with attention for four whole months…this is how long it takes to get the perfect detail, to reflect your exact measurements, to capture your expression and to match your hair and eye colour to achieve the ‘Version II’ of you”.

It does not, however, guarantee that your model will be displayed in the museum, which, for me at least, is probably the only deal-breaker.

*unless your model is exposed to high heat.

Dear kind and generous readers:

I have come to the realization that my life to this point has been missing something essential, something intrinsic and fundamental, something that, until today, I could not name or describe, but without which I am unwhole. This morning I have, while reading the news on the Internets, had an epiphany: I must have a mammoth skeleton.

I beseech you, my friends, to donate today to the Meredith is a Worthless Shell-of-a-Human Sans Mammoth Skeleton Foundation (MiaWSoaHSMSF). The auction begins today in Paris. Time is running out.

Love and rockets,

meredith