on december 17th, 2006, I made gingerbread fetuses for a holiday party. and I thought, I should make a fetus-shaped cookie cutter because 1. it’s pure hilarity and 2. well, it would be easier than cutting them by hand.

and I *knew*, I just KNEW that it was a good idea.  but I did nothing.  NOTHING.  and then today, almost 2 years later, helen-dearling forwarded me the following:

*weeping*

There are 2 lessons to learn from this:

1. if you have an idea and there is even the smallest inkling in your mind that it might be marketable*, PATENT/COPYRIGHT/TRADEMARK/REGISTER IT BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE because.
2. people will buy ANYTHING.

* first thing tomorrow I will be patenting my idea for tissues that conveniently wrap around your arms (”Sneeves”).

I found these delightful and morbidly absurd images on rebel:art (another non-english image-heavy blog that i rss-ify daily) and I thought, “whoa awesome, I wonder if there are more of these? who is the artist?” But to my infinite dismay, I found no link to the origin of this work, and the only text on the site is in German.

According to the babelfish online translater (which is clearly entirely accurate), here is the translation for the text that accompanies these images:

I get such mails: two pictures, the reference “death bird” - and nothing else. Thank you, Tom! I do not understand completely, what you would like to say me thereby - now is a threat or rather a radix complement? - however in any case: Has which! In this sense: Meal and I are pleased again and again about mysterious post office.

1. this is for serious.

2. really though, I’m not kidding, the Guardian says so.

3. nothing I can say or show you could possibly adequately invoke the sheer terror that this event must have inflicted on the swiss.

here is the article:

Giant dog turd wreaks havoc at Swiss museum

A giant inflatable dog turd created by the American artist Paul McCarthy was blown from its moorings at a Swiss museum, bringing down a power line and breaking a window before landing in the grounds of a children’s home.

The exhibit, entitled Complex Shit, is the size of a house. It has a safety system that is supposed to deflate it in bad weather, but it did not work on this occasion.

Juri Steiner, the director of the Paul Klee centre, in Berne, told AFP that a sudden gust of wind carried it 200 metres before it fell to the ground, breaking a window of the children’s home. The accident happened on July 31, but the details only emerged yesterday.

Steiner said McCarthy had not yet been contacted and the museum was not sure if the piece (pictured here) would be put back on display.

The installation is part of an exhibition called East of Eden: A Garden Show, which features sound sculptures in trees and a football ground without goalposts. The exhibition opened in May and is due to run until October.

The centre’s website describes the show as containing “interweaving, diverse, not to say conflictive emphases and a broad spectrum of items to form a dynamic exchange of parallel and self-eclipsing spatial and temporal zones”.

Tuesday August 12 2008 11:49 BST

Bonjour mes Dearlings,

in honor of TODAY, which is obviously BASTILLE DAY, which is the greatest of all the holidays, as I am sure you well know, I have made for you a petite 4-song mix which you can download by clicking upon this link, and unzipping it: bastille day mix.

within you shall find the following:

1. edith piaf - non je ne regrette rien (in my measly unlearned opinion, THIS is the quintessential edith piaf song - it is epic and tragic and painful and powerful…she regrets NOTHING.)

2. jacques dutronc - les cactus (60’s french pop dude. Since i have amassed quite the collection of french pop, it was a challenge to choose just a few - dutronc is comparable to ray davies perhaps.)

3. plastic bertrand - ca plane pour moi (I love this song not only because it completely rocks out in a beach boys meet REM’s “End of the World” sort of way, but also because of its prominent placement in the National Lampoon’s European Vacation soundtrack).

4. marie laforet - toi mon amour, mon ami (more 60’s french pop - this song however transcends the genre.)

If you are not hosting (or attending) your very own bastille day celebration (as I do every year), here are your instructions for the remainder of today:

As you listen to the four songs above, do one (or all!) of the following:

• Buy butter, flour, eggs, salt, sugar and milk, make crepes and eat them.
• Get a tattoo of Gerard Depardieu… on your face.
• Replace your current clothing with a striped shirt, beret and a short neck scarf tied at the side. If possible, grow a thin mustache.
• Embroider the names of your enemies onto a blanket.
• Speak like zee french, be sure to pepper your phrasing with plenty of pauses and say “ehhh, how do you say..?”
• Form a bourgeoisie insurgency against the tyranny of the aristocracy.

AND anyway

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY TO ALL!

*Full credit to Bethany S. the artist.

Bonjour mes Dearlings,

in honor of TODAY, which is obviously BASTILLE DAY, which is the greatest of all the holidays, as I am sure you well know, I have made for you a petite 4-song mix which you can download by clicking upon this link, and unzipping it: bastille day mix.

within you shall find the following:

1. edith piaf - non je ne regrette rien (in my measly unlearned opinion, THIS is the quintessential edith piaf song - it is epic and tragic and painful and powerful…she regrets NOTHING.)

2. jacques dutronc - les cactus (60’s french pop dude. Since i have amassed quite the collection of french pop, it was a challenge to choose just a few - dutronc is comparable to ray davies perhaps.)

3. plastic bertrand - ca plane pour moi (I love this song not only because it completely rocks out in a beach boys meet REM’s “End of the World” sort of way, but also because of its prominent placement in the National Lampoon’s European Vacation soundtrack).

4. marie laforet - toi mon amour, mon ami (more 60’s french pop - this song however transcends the genre.)

If you are not hosting (or attending) your very own bastille day celebration (as I do every year), here are your instructions for the remainder of today:

As you listen to the four songs above, do one (or all!) of the following:

• Buy butter, flour, eggs, salt, sugar and milk, make crepes and eat them.
• Get a tattoo of Gerard Depardieu… on your face.
• Replace your current clothing with a striped shirt, beret and a short neck scarf tied at the side. If possible, grow a thin mustache.
• Embroider the names of your enemies onto a blanket.
• Speak like zee french, be sure to pepper your phrasing with plenty of pauses and say “ehhh, how do you say..?”
• Form a bourgeoisie insurgency against the tyranny of the aristocracy.

AND anyway

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY TO ALL!

*Full credit to Bethany S. the artist.

This body modification trend* is in direct competition with face-tattoos, really-big-muscles and objectivism for the #1 position in my “Trying Super Hard to Seem Badass But Instead Making Meredith Giggle Uncontrollably”** list.

Behold! Tooth Tattoos:

(the laughing + teeth theme reminded me of the dental hyenist of my long lost animal-abecedarium project.)

*probably not a trend at all.

**with one exception, the amy winehouse tooth is legitimately frightening:

just in case you were wondering, here’s some of what’s been keeping me giggling over the past few days:

number 1: feltidermy

so so so beautiful-bizarre.

number 2: garfield-minus-garfield

basically, if you take out the annoying cat, this comic strip becomes pure, absurd hilarity.. and possibly poignant commentary on suburban isolation. (credit to taylor for sharing)

number 3: unrealized eye-wear fads

including but not limited to the monocle veil:

the nose-shield:

and sun visors:

(credit to -j. for sharing)

I am at once horrified and delighted…

“Frozen Smiles: not your grandfather’s ice tray”

via pan-dan.

please allow me to share with you an actual headline, from an actual super-real-totally-and-entirely-nonmadeup news source:

CITY BATTLES GIANT BLOB*

LEWISTON, Maine — A large, mysterious blob has taken over a major sewer line in the city of Lewiston, leaving public works crews stumped as to how to budge it.

According to city officials, the stretch of 12-inch pipe on Main Street backed up on Jan. 13, and the city has been trying unsuccessfully to clear the line ever since.

Deputy Public Services Director Kevin Gagne told News 8 the doughy, 90-foot mass is comprised of grease, flour and rags.

Gagne said the city has chosen to replace the 170-foot line at a cost of between $40,000 and $60,000. Work is expected to begin this week.

shhhhh.. hush now, dearlings, shhhhhhh, there there, I’m frightened too.

*It is possible that I look a few liberties with the original photo.

please allow me to share with you an actual headline, from an actual super-real-totally-and-entirely-nonmadeup news source:

CITY BATTLES GIANT BLOB*

LEWISTON, Maine — A large, mysterious blob has taken over a major sewer line in the city of Lewiston, leaving public works crews stumped as to how to budge it.

According to city officials, the stretch of 12-inch pipe on Main Street backed up on Jan. 13, and the city has been trying unsuccessfully to clear the line ever since.

Deputy Public Services Director Kevin Gagne told News 8 the doughy, 90-foot mass is comprised of grease, flour and rags.

Gagne said the city has chosen to replace the 170-foot line at a cost of between $40,000 and $60,000. Work is expected to begin this week.

shhhhh.. hush now, dearlings, shhhhhhh, there there, I’m frightened too.

*It is possible that I look a few liberties with the original photo.

This flickr group project, “the decapitator“, seamlessly marries my appreciation of fictionalized, well-designed gore, and creative, somewhat-artistic, guerrilla projects with my lack-of-appreciation for ad-pollution*….

pure, icky hilarity!

I have just one thing and one thing alone to say about this 3-headed ewe-chair: go veg!

(so many thank-yous to the darling and dearling and dear erika for sharing).

via casasugar.

it seems, unlucky chocolate bunnies face a similarly messy persecution as like their marshmallow brethren. but seriously though, this is actually kind of beautiful (make sure you turn on your sound too):

watch the video here (click on “chocolate haas”)

Project: Chocolate Haas
In collaboration with: Lernert Engelberts
Commissioned by Cut-n-Paste for Grote Kunst voor Kleine Mensen (Big Art for Small People)

via boredom is your fault

death by cotton candy

death by oreo

death by gummi bears

death by bananas

death by cake

thought I’d share some gore, be it ever so dainty, in anticipation of halloween. also, let this be a reminder to us all to floss regularly.

all part of daniela edburg’s “drop dead gorgeous”, read an interview here.

via rebel:art

As if the war on terror, melting glaciers, and Bratz: The Movie weren’t sufficient evidence of the impending apocalypse, apparently, now we must also fear re-animating zombie furniture:

(thank you to -j. for the warning).