a postmodern guide to breeding
Thank you to Erica, captain of the dearlings brigade, for sharing with me this article (translated from swedish for you).
I invite you to enjoy with me: the Manual for Postmodern Child-Rearing (by Athena Farrokhzad & Tova Gerge) because it tickles my snobby-liberal-arts-education’s theoretical funny bone.
Below are some of my favorites (but read the whole thing, hilarity):
- Rub your child on some carbon paper. Then cut up the paper and stick the pieces to the child’s body. Question the child as an original. Question the child as a copy. Question the carbon paper as a construction.
- If the child claims to be hungry, accuse it of indulging in being-based oppression.
- If your child accuses you of incomprehensibility, then accuse it of logical positivism.
- Lecture your child on the decentralisation of power, on the crumbling of the centre into a domain of autonomous, cross-fertilising peripheries. Talk continuously for several years at a stretch. Punish all forms of interruption and intervention.
- Render the child immune to the fetishisations of visual culture by dysfunctionalising its left eye.
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
i have not laughed so hard in so long
thanks so much
my favorite (other than the already cited logical positivism):
Each time the child shows signs of perceiving something in the world as a category, lock yourself in the bathroom and switch off the light, so nothing is visible. Place your child in a military academy to demonstrate the consequences of absolute concepts.
genius!
don’t thank me, nadir, thank SWEDEN!
ur linkz r busted:
http://neverslapthegiftdonkey.com/a-postmodern-guide-to-breeding/Manual%20for%20postmodern%20childrearing
404!!!!!!!!
haha. your MOM’s links are busted! thanks, evan - I fixed it.
I laughed. I cried. I laughed so hard, I cried.
This is not a baby!
Mah brain hurtz