I am a super sleuth.
from cnn.com article “Full swimming pool stolen”:
Daisy Valdivia is annoyed that someone stole her backyard pool — and baffled at how they did it without leaving behind a splash, drip or trace of the 1,000 gallons of water it contained. Valdivia awoke to find her family’s hip-high, inflatable, 10-foot diameter swimming pool gone from her back yard Wednesday. Valdivia told The Record of Bergen County the theft must have occurred between 1 a.m., when her husband went to bed, and 5 a.m., when she awoke. She’s amazed someone could steal the pool that quickly and just wanted to know “what the heck they did with the water,” she said.
This is, clearly, the greatest crime of all time. I will now solve it in 11 steps.
THE FACTS:
1. The missing swimming pool was 10 ft in diameter and contained 1000 gallons of water at the time it was stolen.
2. This water was not dumped at the site, hence they moved both the pool AND the water.
3. all within a 4 hour period.
4. 1000 gallons= 8330 lbs*
5. The average man can deadlift (a term I have never in all my days on this earth used until this moment) a maximum of between 185 - 235 lbs**.
6. If a team of the strongest men*** decided they needed their very own 1000 gallon swimming pool, it would take, at-the-very-least, 36 of them to lift it, with all the water inside. (8330/235 = 35.45)
7. Forklifts and towtrucks and cranes and robots other such machines that have the lift-capacity to carry 8330 lbs are very noisy and would have left track marks in the yard.
8. Where do you find groups of 36 super-strong men, without swimming pools? What do we know about these men?
A. they are very very quiet.
B. they like to swim.
C. they couldn’t afford to purchase their own swimming pool.
9. Equivalent swimming pools on the Interwebs cost around $80.
10. $80 divided 36 ways = $2.22/each, thus each individual member of the 36 super-strong, yet highly-budgeted, thieves had less than $2.21 to their names.
11. How is this possible? How can you survive with only $2.21? How do you buy food? Pay for your home?
THE ONLY LOGICAL CONCLUSION BASED ON THESE INARGUABLE FACTS:
Clearly, the 36 thieves own and operate (hence their strength) a communal farm that provides the food necessary to survive, and the surplus food covers the property cost alone.. not enough to give them more than $2.21 each to spend on the non-essentials, like, say, a swimming pool.
But, why, you wonder, wouldn’t they dump out the water too? Because water isn’t free when you own land.. Their farm is obviously nowhere near a lake or ocean or river or pond. No water in the pool = no swimming and we all know how important swimming is to these men.
I will send my findings to the police so they can start searching land-locked commune-farms for 36 chlorine-smelling, pruny-fingered farmers.
*Gallons into Pounds: Multiply the specific gravity of the liquid by 8.33* (weight in pounds of 1 gallon of water); then multiply this result by the number of gallons, to obtain the weight in pounds: source.
**According to here.
***I can assume that it is a group of men because according to Science ™, women prefer to swim in the ocean, or any body of water influenced by tides/the moon.
